| Presenting... | Afghan Hound in Hypertext - a total waste of bandwidth production. |
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Creamy and The Boy Ross's Monkey Spanking Page |  |
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| Games | Quake | Wibble | Computers | Home I | Home II |
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![[Monkey Spanking]](../graphics/monkey/swingmonkl.gif)
![[Monkey Spanking]](../graphics/monkey/swingmonkr.gif)
Have you had your monkey spanked today?
Have you ever? Do you want it to be? If you have, do you fear the
reactions of friends, colleagues, supervisors were you to reveal
your passions? Is your secret monkey shame destroying your life? Or
do you prefer spanking the monkeys of others? Do you dream of the
day when you'll have spanked everyones monkey? Or are you racked
with guilt at seeing innocent monkeys spanked? Do you just like to
watch? Is you day not complete without someone in your office
having their monkey spanked? If any of these apply to you, or even
if they don't, you can now relax. For here it is, the official, the
authorized...
....careful constructed over a period of day, and tested throughly with at least one browser, two of our country's finest, most active monkey spanking researchers have worked for hours, ney, minutes to construct this helpful guide....please allow them to introduce themselves, hope you guessed their names...
Come on make it easy Come on make it easy Make it easy Make it easy Everybody's got something to hide Except me and my monkey. - John'n'Paul, The White Album. |
Picture the scene: a quiet Friday afternoon, in the home of all thing researchery, the research office. Suddenley, the spell is broken, and the cry rings out. Who wants their monkey spanking, then? And so another game of office cricket begins, regardless of the effects on any humble Afghans when brick dust and sellotape encrusted balls start falling on their keyboards. (like heart failure, or suddenley inhaling half a cup of coffee.) And so began this particularly sarcastic page.
Then came Quake. Whereupon, it was everyone else's monkey getting spanked. Frequently with a quad damage rocket. See the Office Quake scores for proof. "Creamy was gibbed by Afghan Hound's rocket": One of the worst things to see on the stdout of any program, in our not so humble opinions. [muHahahahahahahahaaa.... - Ed.]
[1] Pick any millennium you fancy, really. Even the Falcon.(TM)(Lucasfilms, Ltd).
For seriously spanked monkeys, the only possible answer is the big list of Biggest Test Series Defeats of England, from http://www-aus5.cricket.org
Defeat by 5 Tests
1920/21 Australia v England Aus 5-0 (5)
1984 England v West Indies WI 5-0 (5)
1985/86 West Indies v England WI 5-0 (5)
Defeat by 4 Tests
1948 England v Australia Aus 4-0 (5)
1958/59 Australia v England Aus 4-0 (5)
1988 England v West Indies WI 4-0 (5)
1989 England v Australia Aus 4-0 (6)
Defeat by 3 Tests
1897/98 Australia v England Aus 4-1 (5)
1901/02 Australia v England Aus 4-1 (5)
1905/06 South Africa v England RSA 4-1 (5)
1907/08 Australia v England Aus 4-1 (5)
1921 England v Australia Aus 3-0 (5)
1924/25 Australia v England Aus 4-1 (5)
1946/47 Australia v England Aus 3-0 (5)
1950/51 Australia v England Aus 4-1 (5)
1974/75 Australia v England Aus 4-1 (6)
1976 England v West Indies WI 3-0 (5)
1979/80 Australia v England Aus 3-0 (3)
1990/91 Australia v England Aus 3-0 (5)
1992/93 India v England Ind 3-0 (3)
1993 England v Australia Aus 4-1 (6)
Pitiful, really, isn't it?
(source Monkey )
![[Monkey Magic]](../graphics/monkey/monkey.jpg)
It's based on one of the great quest stories, a 16th century Chinese epic called Hsi Yu Chi (= Journey to the West). The title Monkey is probably from Arthur Waley's English translation. The tales, set in 630 AD, describe the demons and monsters who try to stop the Tang Priest Xuangzang (Tripitaka) from reaching a Buddhist monastery in India to retrieve Buddhist scripture. The whole series recounts the exploits of the resourceful, brave, and humorous Monkey, the real hero of the fantasy, as he escorts the Tang Priest on his perilous mission.
However, he never got spanked, so shouldn't really be here at all.
Taken from the Jargon File (actually v 2.something, latest is 4.x.x).
scratch monkey n. As in, ``Before testing or reconfiguring, always mount a scratch monkey.'', a proverb used to advise caution when dealing with irreplaceable data or devices. Used to refer to any scratch volume hooked to a computer during any risky operation as a replacement for some precious resource or data that might get trashed.
This term preserves the memory of Mabel, the Swimming Wonder Monkey, star of a biological research program at a great American university. Mabel was not (so the legend goes) your ordinary monkey; the university had spent years teaching her how to swim, breathing through a regulator, in order to study the effects of different gas mixtures on her physiology. Mabel suffered an untimely demise one day when a computer vendor PM'd the machine controlling her regulator (see also provocative maintainance). It is recorded that, after calming down an understandably irate customer sufficiently to ascertain the facts of the matter, the vendor's troubleshooter called up the field circus manager responsible and asked him sweetly ``Can you swim?''. The moral is clear: when in doubt, always mount a scratch monkey.
Not so much spanked as scratched, but still worthy of an honorable mention.(The link is delibrately dead, out of respect.)
(Lat. primas, from primus, "first").
In the Western Church a primate is a bishop possessing superior authority, not only over the bishops of his own province, like the metropolitan, but over several provinces and metropolitans. This does not refer to episcopal powers, which each bishop possesses fully, but to ecclesiastical jurisdiction and organization, especially in national churches.
Primates exist only in the West, and correspond not to the patriarchs but to the exarchs of the East. There is no uniformity in the institution, it has no place in common law; primatial rights are privileges. In their widest acceptation these rights would be: to convoke and preside over national councils, to crown the sovereign, to hear appeals from the metropolitan and even episcopal courts, and finally the honorary right of precedence.
From http://www.newadvent.org/cathen
Monkeynut - A band.
Monkey
Downloads - Magic.
SpankWeb - spank that
monkey
The Monkey Dance-
The Site With The Funky Monkeys - Tragic
The
Monkey Dance - More tragic.
EUFS: Spanking The Monkey- A film, apparently.
12
Monkeys Things - Another film.
Home of CyberMonkey -
'nuff said.
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Also by this author: If you've enjoyed this
page, you're probably insane. Why not try one of these as well?
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| Comments? Links About | Last modified 03:29 pm, 29/04/03 |
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